Second Life

By this time it was coming to the end of the summer and with the changing of seasons came a much greater change within me.

Body and Mind 

    "It's not that you are what you eat... You are what you don't poop." 

    - A wise friend.

 

I developed a very peaceful attitude to the world. From the beginning of my practices I had took it upon myself to try to adhere to the Buddhist Eight-fold Noble Path. I had been doing this for many weeks. I gave up bad habits of the body and was working also to let go of the bad habits of the mind. I stopped eating meat, I stopped biting my nails and so on and so forth. The process of giving up corporeal matters came quite easily with some resolve. As for the process of letting go of negative mental habits... I made rapid initial progress but from my contemporary standpoint I would summarise: The process continues.

 

Before all of this I was a strong proponent of science as the primary means to bring benefit for all. I treated the topic as of paramount importance. I held an urgency that we depended on its progression to propel our society forward and that it filled this role in a crucial sense. I felt as if other many other important considerations of our collective will should be suspended. I harbored a kind of strange resentment for people who didn't take notice of topics that were important to me such as progress in fields like medicine and technology, or didn't follow or contribute to causes I deemed worthy such as activism around digital freedom or climate change, or the troubles facing people by encroaching automation. The list was large. I had relegated to holding these people at arm's length - as irrelevant. They were, at best, from my strange point of view, a non-contribution to the possibility to pull humanity forward into a brighter future and at worst a hindering detraction from this effort that threatened to plunge our species into darkness. All of these notions I let go. I took to heart the prospect that everyone is suffering to some extent or another and most people are "just trying to get by". 

 

I realised that my previous resentments came from my unfulfilled desire to use my knowledge and skill to help the world at large. I saw clearly now that I was beating myself up about my own failures to progress in some self-endowed quest towards conveying my interpretation of the necessary path for humanity's advancement. I saw that even though the fundamental roots of my affliction were from a caring place that I had misplaced my own sense of failure to achieve this task by judging others as being ignorant. In casting this aspersion I cultivated a subtle disdain for them and then from that, in turn, a form of denial that fueled my ego. I looked into this mirror with disgust. I knew then with insight that it was actually me who was the short-sighted one. Although I had a strong sense of morality and ethics - the conclusion was inescapable. It was I that was blind having being cursed with a reliance on knowledge that eclipsed the possibility to arrive at wisdom.

I quickly learned that one of the best ways to help people is actually to just listen. As people would speak to me I would contemplate what they from my new-found perspective. I attempted to discern the various aspects compounding the nature of their thinking so that I could draw out the fundamentals of various attitudes and their opposites from the experiences they described. When a response was expected of me then I would not attempt to offer a directly competing point of view, nor any schematic demonstrating some religious exegesis, but instead rather generally agreeing with their interpretation but if necessary adding a slightly different, adjacent point of view that added my own color from those basic principles I had studied. I was surprised to find that most people seemed to take stock in what I would offer in a manner that offered a greater satisfaction. This was so much more human and pleasant than the militant re-framing of perspectives that the person I had been before would invariably have been too guilty. Finally, I had found a way that people would actually consider my advice to be helpful. I was very pleased by the chance that my message would have even the briefest consideration. If I said something that they disagreed with (which at this point was rather much less often) it wasn't their fault. Instead, it was my fault for not understanding the situation. I had found a different way to help the people of the world that had been right under my nose this entire time and that was: one person at a time.

As a result, my performance and attitude at work improved greatly. While I had previously enjoyed the role that very much fit my abilities as a computer programmer - I had been rather irresponsible and neglected the well-being of others within my team. I was often late to work from staying up at night into the early hours studying scientific literature or working on my own technical projects. It wasn't that I couldn't do my job in the sense that I wasn't technical enough or was overtly unfriendly. Quite the contrary, in fact - most of the time I liked to lend a hand and was positive about contributing. It was the surrounding factors around these elements. I wasn't very dependable and I treated my job as a low-priority element in my life. By this stage I had come to understand the errors of my ways and rapidly corrected my behavior to this effect. I was glad to come in on time and be a dependable person. I also sought to contribute my part in a greater sense to bring the people closest to me at work the happiness and success at their own efforts rather than just acting selfishly without regard. My diet had improved. I lost weight. I got a lot of exercise during my day and I spent at least thirty minutes during my breaks in quiet meditation in the prayer room. This new paradigm improved my life dramatically and I felt as if I was never better.

Spirit

"Where there's a will, there's a way." 

 

Despite such an amazing transformation I still continued exploring my dreams in the waking world I have referred to as The Imaginarium. When my day's routine was done and all was set and well then I would retire to my well-kept room for meditations and to conduct these journeys. By this point I had cultivated the ability to open this imaginary overlay much more easily. There was no requirement to sit quietly for a long period of time concentrating on producing this effect. All I had to do was sit cross-legged on a cushion, set my posture properly and draw upon a well-measured, brief effort of willpower to summon up the familiar, strange and dreamy texture across the floor. I would then affix my attention to it - attending with my gaze as it would gently rock from side to side. It's usual initial tone was like the passage of clouds being blown from both directions by a shifting wind that would then resolve into a passageway to some strange wonderland.

If meditation could be bluntly described as a practice that involves being swept away by your thoughts then this practice could be easily be categorised as the polar opposite. For me, this was a purposefully exploratory endeavour. I had come to have a lot of sympathy for the potential mysticism of Buddhism considering how beneficial the practice of the fundamentals had been for me so far. This left me wide open to the possibility that indeed the entities I encountered were potentially beings from other realms. It wasn't just that I saw these things appearing before my eyes - what I was observing also produced the peculiar quality of a complex multi-modal sensory identification. Perhaps the reader is familiar with an experience that a lot people supposedly share. A situation can arise by which one feels as if someone might be present... or as if someone might be staring nearby and out of sight - or over one's shoulder from behind. The situation generates a sense of the presence of another living being but when examined there are none present. Similarly, meeting these "entities" was not just a case of having a perception that I saw just their representations with my eyes but I was also met with a strong subjective impression that they were indeed right there. Through these visions it felt as though I was looking right at them - as if they were present in the room.

We communicated often initially by the interpretation of pictures. As a scene would unfold I would observe it and then wait to see what was shown to me. If my own projection of myself, described previously, was within the scene then I would gently hold focus upon the intent to follow the entity that I was with. When it felt appropriate to communicate - such as during times that events were relatively static - then I would actually speak out loud with my voice and ask a question. I would await a response which usually came by the entity pointing or signalling in a specific direction nearby on the floor. I would then move my focus to the spot and observe as the entity seemed to cause a vision in that observed area to evolve that would serve for me to ask further questions to validation my understanding of what was trying to be communicated. 

 

Over time it seemed as if I improved at this method. Where often previously it had taken many attempts to find the answer to some inquiry - I instead arrived at a satisfying conclusion more quickly. I started to get a sense for the personality of whom I was speaking with although the interrogative revolved around simple topics up to this point. The figure that I knew and would regularly meet (treating this person as my guide) seemed to be well-liked by others that would occasionally be found within the scene. The figure seemed kind and very patient. I also got a sense that there was an understanding of what was going on within these events possessed by this person that I did not have. This being struck me as being well-traveled between the various realms we encountered and seemed generous with making the time to tutor eager young travelers like myself. I regularly expressed my gratitude towards this being in contact with me and for showing me what I thought to be answers to my questions.

It pains me now, years later, to try and fail to recollect the content of these interactions. At the time I was just an eager student of Buddhism with an open mind, calmly and peacefully exploring this new talent and in no rush to demand answers to bigger questions. Perhaps I don't remember the same way one doesn't remember the subtleties of dreams. Hopefully at a later date I will remember these details for the purposes of completion. Rest assured, there will be plenty much more detail to come very soon of these interactions.

 

I studied normally to some degree also. I searched widely for related topics and read up on Buddhism. This included a lot various books and manuals of all sorts. I was aided greatly by the support of my friend to whom I had described some of what was going on and who had also developed a keen scholarly interest himself. As much as I did read, though, I remember that I didn't really read as much as I should. I scoured most of the literature for anything that resembled what I had encountered but alas - anything that seemed to be potentially relevant was far too vague and nebulous for me to take on board in support of my efforts.

So by this point I lived another life. I abandoned my old ways and lived once more - remade anew and virtuous. I was divided between two worlds: The first was a satisfying and healthy existence within the daily waking world and the second was a rich and curious fantasy world in which I felt as if my spirit had been given wing to reach it's furthest heights. But such great ascent would indeed soon be followed by a tragic plunge into darkness.