The Initiation of a Dreamwalker

"Suddenly I myself became possessed of a kind of augmented sight. Over and above the luminous and shadowy chaos arose a picture which, though vague, held the elements of consistency and permanence. It was indeed somewhat familiar, for the unusual part was superimposed upon the usual terrestrial scene much as a cinema view may be thrown upon the painted curtain of a theatre."

    --  "From Beyond" by H.P. Lovecraft.

The next day I was well swept up by my curiosity and resolved to explore this strange dreamscape. I sat once again in quiet focus and produced the prescribed conditions for this weird portal to manifest. Once again, it appeared with the same qualities as it had previously and I proceeded to investigate.

This time I had a friend with me during the experience who was sitting quietly and observing. I spoke to him about what I saw (I asked if he could see it - obviously he could not). The strange series of shifting hieroglyphics and rough outlines of lilliputian people were coming and evolving and shifting around as I sat directly above them watching intently into this mental gateway. I tried to describe what I was seeing but as soon as I would try to focus on building an appropriate description of what I was seeing it tended to cause me to be at a loss to make out a reasonable utterance as it would shift before I could adequately express the details. He said something to the likes of "You should try to draw what you are seeing." and I said in response "I wish I could draw" (being completely absent of any artistic skill). 

 

As I made this sentiment the vision before me shifted and the outline emerged of what was a large pencil. I suddenly had an insight into what was going on. I tested this by attempting to rotate the pencil, and so it rotated. I looked elsewhere within the landscape of this imaginarium and held in my mind the notion of a pencil (not actually imagining the image, just the notion that I wanted to see one) and the clear outlines a pencil resolved out of the speckled carpet. Now I realised that I was not simply a passive observer along for the ride but, in fact, could willfully project a subconscious representation of my own deeply held notions about what something looked like onto this canvas -- without even thinking about creating the image myself.

After spending some time with my friend who later departed. I was soon afterward drawn straight back into this exploration. This time I purposefully resolved to see various vistas conjured up simply by even thinking about the word "forests" and "cities". These scenes came readily and sometimes I would notice inhabitants, with whom I attempted converse by requesting signals to confirm or deny answers to my question, asking them to illustrate to me the answer to a question I would put. One of the figures I spoke to then seemed to be inviting me to join them but didn't seem to want to proceed further until I understood a condition of what it wanted me to do first.

 

Eventually I came to a notion on what it seemed to wish me to do. I willfully projected a mental representation of my own body into the dream. To those of you wondering as to the nature of the activities composing this kind of "willing" I can describe: It was performed by looking at an area nearby to the figure and then focusing on the mental resolution to see the human character of myself. The representation of myself started off as a vaguely-humanoid, crude outline made of blocky shapes. I decided to make it bigger by "zooming" it... which was a matter of focusing on a slightly larger area of the carpet within the overlay, around the initial image, and then focusing on integrating that larger area as a zoomed representation of the smaller figure. Manifold details appeared as my mind filled in what I desired to see with my imaginings of my own self. I considered it a suitable likeness despite the fact it was still just a translucent image defined mostly by the outlines of its various features. It was certainly not some high fidelity image.

The figure adjacent signaled a greeting towards my own projected avatar. In turn I then decided to make myself wave back. The evolution of the dreamy outlines resolved in the appearance of motion over a period of seconds. An arm, extending from my projected body and clearly waving, shifting between positions "frame by frame" was observed. During these kind of introductions I was also learning about basic ways to move my avatar around without producing odd artifacts. Something I had to overcome was the projection of my moving avatar getting caught up in collecting sticky bits of irrelevant adjacent dream-stuff as well as sometimes exhibiting a kind of "there not there" type of oscillation when trying to move or turn. This was shortly overcome by refining the correct mix observational focus and will to intent. I had to strike a fine balance of the two between what I was looking at versus what I wished and expected to see myself do next.

So then we walked through dreams together; These were worlds with natural laws made mutable - where thought alone held sway against the background of the mundane. Tales were spun via means of ethereal holograms constituted by the power of a mind holding both the conscious observer with it's subconscious base in communion. Fastened in this way, the veil between the two entwined slowly dissolved as they gained acquaintance more directly for the first time.

 

"And if thou gaze long into an abyss, the abyss will also gaze into thee."  

    - Nietzsche.

 

This was not just a window into my mind but also a mirror. It was a mirror which had the power within it to illustrate to me the fundamental roots of my own psyche. I explored, at this point, along a razor's edge. On one side there was the possibility for me to understand how to interact in a wise and rightful way to bring my dreams at play before me in an entirely fascinating and insightful exploration. On the other side, to which I was ignorant, was a great web of darkness and delusion that stood ready to hold me to account with detailed scrutiny into any and all misgivings about myself throughout my life. This darker place possessed the power to remorselessly dredge up even the deepest secrets held closest to my heart - to produce a fate in which by a cycle of never-ending shame and guilt could lock me into an almost inescapable waking nightmare.